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When my daughter was young enough, here was the rules.....


Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes to big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of you date with my daughter, I will take my pneumatic nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: early.

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding,
middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid,. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
 

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Good rules...I'm just glad I'm not dating any more!
 

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They make sence to me, I had four daughters. Had one come in one time with long hair on one side of his head and shaved on the other. He didn't know he could fly out the door with it closed. Cost me $65.00 to put a new center panel in that door.
 

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JB, I printed those out and am saving those. My oldest daughter is 10 years old and my Wife told me about a boy that was always standing beside my Daughter when she was being picked up at school. Much to my Daughters suprise, I picked her up yesterday and you should have seen the look on her face when she saw my truck pull in the parking lot and she was holding this boy's hand. She dropped that kid's hand like it was a burning piece of wood. I'm not ready for this at all.
Brian
 

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JB, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!!! My daughter is 14 and has a boyfriend. We don't allow her to date yet, but they hang out together in a group setting. I still don't like it. Lets just say it will be reading material while waiting for my daughter to put on her makeup.
 

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I told my daughter she isn't allowed to go out with boys until she is married.
 

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When my son-in-law and my daughter were dating, he broke rule #11 once. Rule #11 is never, ever, ever address me my by given name. You can call me Mr. _______, or you can call me sir. When he called me Carl, my daughter told him in a dead serious tone, "daddy will kill you that". The boy apologized and he has called me Sir every since then...they have now been married for 11 years.
 
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