This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Wal - Mart in Arkansas.
NAME: George Martin
SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman, (or at least, one who'll cooperate).
DESIRED POSITION: Company President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock opitions and a Michael Ovitz style sereance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
LAST POSITION HELD: Taget for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post - it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30 - 3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs? : Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR? : I think the more appropiate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION? : I may already be a winner of the publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.
DO YOU SMOKE? : On the job - no, on my break - yes.
WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS? : Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealth dumb sexy, blonde, supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Sagitiarius
Wal - Mart ended up hiring the old man because he was so funny.