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I love animals, they taste great.

EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later.

"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

He who laughs last thinks slowest!

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

If you are psychic - think "HONK"

If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!

You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!

Don't get me mad! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies!

You are depriving some poor village of its idiot!

Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.

My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom

Grow your own dope, plant a man.

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular.

Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.

Air Pollution is a mist-demeaner.

Editing is a rewording activity.

Make yourself at home .....clean my kitchen

Allow me to introduce my selves

Better living through denial

I'm just working here until a good fast food job opens up....

Chaos. Panic. Disorder. My work here is done

Too many freaks not enough circuses
 

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Never trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.
 

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~ If guns cause crime, mine must be defective.

~ If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

~ You just can't fix stupid.

~ Media facts...the ultimate oxymoron!

~ Natural laws have no pity.

~ Celibacy is not hereditary.
Too bad stupidity is.

~ Vote Democrat ---- It's easier than finding a job

~ After god created woman, beer was the bug fix...

~ The four boxes of Democracy: Soap, Jury, Ballot and Cartridge.
 
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