TeleGuy53, This is probably NOT what you want to hear but ....I think the reason why you haven't received any definitive answers is .... very few people actually pair their range ammo and self defense ammo. In some theoretical gun magazine article, it might be suggested but in the real world, it really doesn't make much difference. In fact many people buy a 22 LR pistol or revolver to economically simulate their full power centerfire pistols or revolvers while at the range. You still get a bang, you still have to do a good job of aiming, you still have to maintain good trigger control, and you gain valuable experience just handling the 22 LR. About the only thing missing is recoil and during a crisis management situation, you won't even notice recoil.
So when you buy inexpensive ammo to practice and plink with, it doesn't have to be a perfect match for your expensive self defense loads. Because there are tons of different factory loads for a 9mm pistol, just finding two loads with the same bullet weight will end up being so close in performance that you likely won't notice the difference. I guess what I'm saying is ... don't overplay this theoretical game!
I would hesitate to guess how many different self defense 9mm cartridges there are on today's market .... it would be staggering. If you read gun magazines, seems every time a new cartridge is introduced, it is the very best ever ... at least until the next one is introduced. Here's some facts that are rarely considered in the gun rags .... telephone books or ballistic gel does not shoot back. There's not an animal in the world where their body is made like a block of ballistic gel or an LA phone book. People wear clothes, they have fat, muscle, bone, hair, and cartilage. Nothing says a bullet will directly enter center mass ... it may just as easily hit an arm before entering the body. So here's the question: when you leave home with your concealed carry pistol and a situation arises where you are forced to use it for self defense, do you have any control if the person is fat, skinny, tall, short, wearing heavy clothing, just a "T" shirt, is 3 feet away or 30 feet away???? ..... Fact is, no you don't so don't fall sucker to all those claims of "perfect penetration or expansion" because they seldom happen in real life.
Bullet technology is far better today than just 5 years ago ... and keeps getting better. As such, if you select a good name brand US made self defense cartridge, it's pretty hard to go wrong. No doubt, in certain scenarios cartridge "A" will perform better than cartridge "B" ... but if the table is turned, ... lets say a fat guy versus a skinny guy, cartridge "B" might be superior. Fact is, there's not a cartridge made that works best for all situations and there's not a self defense cartridge made that is ineffective. One very important issue is .... does your selected cartridge cycle through your pistol properly with out jamming? The only way you will know is to buy a box and try them out. If you can shoot a 50 round box with out a failure of any type, you should be good to go for self defense.
So in my opinion, yes, you are asking too much. Use some good ol' common sense and you will come through this with flying colors!