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Police comments were taken from car videos around the country.

#15: "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

#14: "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

#13: "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12: "Can you run faster then 1200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun."

#11: "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

#10: "Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

#9: "Warning! You want a warning? O. K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

#8: "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7: "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey doo."

#6: "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

#5: "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

#4: "Just how big were those two beers?"

#3: "No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

#2: "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

#1: "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets?....You're right, we don't. .....Sign here."
 

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some of my favorites that i have used are

violator---i know the chief of police!
i say----so do i, and he owes me money!

violator--I'm a tax payer and i pay your salary!
i say---you're just the person i wanted to talk to--i need a raise.

and my favorite with the mouthy drunk ones in custody---you have the right to remain silent--so shut-up.
 

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Police officer "Lady, you can't drive on this licence, it is a mans licence!"

Lady: "Oh but I can, it's my husbands licence and we're married in community of property!"
 

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Police officer:"Lady, this licence says you have to wear glasses."

Blonde:" But Iv'e got contacts."

Police Officer:"It doesn't matter who you know, youv'e still got to wear glasses!"
 

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Police officer: What's your birthdate?

Blonde: July 17th.

Police officer: What year?

Blonde: Why, every year!
 
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