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You Don't Have To Own A Cat To Appreciate This One! You don't even have to like them!

We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet, and put the cat in the backyard.

We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house.

The cat we put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.

My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, "He's just going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother."

A few minutes later, I get into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," I said, as we drove away. That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!"

The cab driver hit a parked car.
 

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That one sort of reminds me of:

One of two brothers still living at home with mother was preparing to leave for an extended business trip in Europe. He asked that his brother look after his favorite cat, and to make sure he was fed the proper food and not let out of the house unless on a leash.

A month passed and the man called home to check on things.

"How's my cat doing?", he asked.

"Oh, he's dead," the brother replied.

"What?!...How can you be so callous, blurting it out like that? That's not how to give someone terible news. You should staged into it - you could've said he escaped and got out onto the roof. You called the fire department but then he jumped from the roof to a tree, and when they tried to get him out of the tree he fell to his death. At least I would've been prepared for the outcome."

"You're right. Sorry about that."

"By the way, how's mom?"

"She's up on the roof."
 

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Both are good :D
 
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