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Discussion Starter #1
I have to scrub the top of every can I open.

I don't have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

In fact I don't have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I don't have to worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers get answered only if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on the cans.

Also, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I don't use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore since it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with an infected needle.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I don't answer the phone anymore because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I don't have to buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my rear-end.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I find in a parking lot be cause it was probably placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

I can't drive my car anywhere now because we're no longer supposed to buy gas from any gas stations.


If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM today, and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...

Have a wonderful day!
[xx(][}:)]:D
 

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and a good night's sleep....funny...but I know folks who believe it!!! They're voting for........no, I ain't!!!!!!
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Yup, alot of people affected. I think some of them need to go to the elementary school once again before reading "stuff" from the Internet. ;)
 

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You know, the Internet is one fascinating place to me. Its just like my local Barber shop. You can hear some true stories and ideas if you can sort them out from all the --. Same with the Internet. It amazes me that some people think just because its on the Internet that its true. :)
 

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quote:Originally posted by KP97DC

You know, the Internet is one fascinating place to me. Its just like my local Barber shop. You can hear some true stories and ideas if you can sort them out from all the --. Same with the Internet. It amazes me that some people think just because its on the Internet that its true. :)
Heck we should all know better...Lord knows we all have spun enough yarns here on the forum.:D
 

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I resisted computers for a long time figuring I didn't need any more newfangled machines. Hell, I already had a color TV and a microwave and even a CD player, but my sons talked me into it and cobbled up one for me from spare parts they had and kept adding this and that to keep me current. I've learned more about just about everything in the last two years than I did in the previous 67. When my old computer finally died a few weeks ago. I had my son to order me a brand new one figuring a new one's gotta have more info. Only problem is that boy put some kind of program on it that keeps all them good pop up ads with all that good stuff and offers from coming up but I can still find a lot on things like that on web sites and the latest news that the guvment keeps from us about those UFOs and Big Foots and especially all that stuff you got to watch out for mentioned by blade:)
Baker
 

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Lotsa stuff we read on the internet(not here OF COURSE) is more alimentary than elementary...
 

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I have a wonderful time on the internet, it's full of stories and great offers. Now if I can just get that trunk full of money to clear customs that's being shipped to me from the cousin of the wife of the late president of Nobieware in Africa, I can repay all my investors and buy a new computer. My 1969 SS/427 Camaro convertible is suppose to be here anyday soon that I won in the Swedish lottery too.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
The Internet is like a gun. It's fun to work with but wrongfully used it may cause your computer or even brain damage. :D
 
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