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The Truth About Tools



HAMMER: Originally used as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.

MECHANICS KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes containing seats and motorcycle jackets.

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel Pop Rivets in there holes until you die of old age, but it works great for drilling mounting holes in fenders just outside of the brake line that goes to the rear wheels.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the original sin principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXY-ACETEYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your garage on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside of a brake drum you’re trying desperately to get the bearing race out of.

WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16” or 1/2” socket you’ve been searching for the last fifteen minutes.

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your coffee across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part you were drying.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off of old bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. also removes fingerprint whirls and hard-earned guitar callouses in about the time that it takes to say, “Ouc....”

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a motorcycle to the ground after you have installed your new front disc brake setup , trapping the jack handle firmly under the front fender.

EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering a motorcycle upward off a hydraulic jack.

TWEEZERS: A tool for removing the wood splinters from the eight foot Douglas fir 2X4.

PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack.

SNAP-ON AIR POWERED GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog doo off of your boot.

E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit.

TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease buildup.

TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile strength of ground straps and brake lines you may have forgotten to disconnect.

CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16” SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount pry tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end without the handle.

BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acid from car batteries to the inside of your toolbox after determining that your battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought.

AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See Hacksaw.

TROUBLE LIGHT: The Mechanic’s own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of Vitamin D, “The sunshine vitamin,” which is not otherwise found under a motorcycle at night. Health benefits aside, It’s main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm Howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used, as the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads.

AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago-Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last tightened 40 years ago by someone in Cleveland, and rounds therm off.

PRY-BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short.


[}:)][}:)][}:)]
 

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Impressive....

That is a knowledge that can only come from years of experience and an intimate relationship with tools.

Actually being able to create, produce, fabricate, build, fix, fit, join, weld and repair is becoming a lost art.

As a matter of fact, real work is out of style.
 

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That is a knowledge that can only come from years of experience and an intimate relationship with tools.

Actually being able to create, produce, fabricate, build, fix, fit, join, weld and repair is becoming a lost art.

As a matter of fact, real work is out of style.

They don't know what they're missing. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, sewing, teaching and raising children are only some of the many responsibilities that women have turned their noses up at. Everything is 'hired' out. Bringing in as much money as possible is the reason most people have for living. When the 'middle class' begin to throw extravagant parties for no reason other than to impress their friends(?) we might be in trouble.

Technology is a good thing but there is no balance in our lives anymore. Too much of any one thing is not usually good. Just my opinion.
 

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Tools

Well, I'm relieved to know that I've been using my tools properly for many years.
 

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Those all hit a little close to home...especially the wire wheel; I have a long standing battle with them. The vise gip is a little to true as well, a couple of years ago, I thought for sure I was going to have about half of a mirror image of the tool logo right below my thumb. MAN THAT STINGS!
 
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