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Drill Press: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat bar stock out of your hands, striking you in the chest and flinging your
beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part on the workbench.

Wire Wheel: Cleans paint off bolts and throws them under the workbench at the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and guitar calluses in the time it takes to say "ouch!"

Electric Hand Drill: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.

Pliers: Used to round off bolt heads. May also be used to create blood blisters.

Hacksaw: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija Board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion and the more you attempt to influence its direction the more dismal your failure becomes.

Craftsman 1/2 X 16 inch Screwdriver: A large prybar that inexplicably has an accurately machined flat tip at the opposite end to the handle.

Aviation Metal Snips: See "Hacksaw."

Trouble Light: A very appropriately named tool. Its two main purposes are to shine an intense light directly into your eyes instead of onto the
part you are trying to illuminate and also to consume 40 watt light bulbs at the same rate as a 105 mm Howitzer consumes shells.
Sometimes called a drop light for reasons obvious to anybody who has used one.

Philips Screwdriver: Normally used to stab the silver vacuum seals under the screw off lids of oil cans but can also be used, as the name
implies, to strip out the heads of phillips screws.

Pry Bar: A tool often used to crumple the metal surrounding a clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace that 50 cent part.

Hose Cutter: Used to make hoses too short.

Hammer: Originally used as a weapon of war, but nowadays used as a device used to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the part you are trying to hit.

Utility Knife: Used to open boxes and slice through the contents of packages delivered to your front door. Works particularly well on items
such as seats, CD's, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines etc.
Especially useful for slicing through work clothes, but only when you are in them.

Dammit Tool: Any tool that gets thrown across the garage as you yell "Dammit!" It is also the next tool that you will need.

Expletive: A soothing balm, or mechanics lube, usually applied verbally and in hindsight, which somehow eases the pain and embarrassment of our lack of foresight.
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