[Sightngrl]

I'm not exactly sure what forgiveness really is. Is it letting a person off the hook for messing you over? Acting like nothing happened? Keeping them at arms length, but being civil? You see victims of crime forgiving criminals for their horrendous acts they've committed against them, what does that mean?

 

[Argo]

wow! that's one to ponder. i think off the top of my head there are a host of levels of forgiveness. gonna have to ponder that one a bit more...

 

[Sightngrl]

wow! that's one to ponder. i think off the top of my head there are a host of levels of forgiveness. gonna have to ponder that one a bit more...

See what I mean? I have never understood the "need" to say I forgive you for messing me over. I have said I do forgive you to a few people that have stepped up to apologize to me. But it would be meaningless if they did "it" again. But the families of murder victims and the like. Why do they feel the need to publicly say "I forgive you" to the criminals? I know I would not ever do that, because I would never say, "Hey its okay what you did."

 

[North country gal]

The way I look at it is this: when someone does you wrong and you hold a grudge as a result, the grudge can fester into a slow acting poison. Unfortunately, it is you that is being poisoned, not the person that did you wrong. Forgiveness releases that poison so you can live a healthy and happy life. Make no mistake, a grudge and/or any kind of hatred can do you not only great emotional harm, but actual physical harm as well. Stress can damage to your immune system. This is not some new age baloney I read somewhere, by the way. It's something I've learned through painful personal experience in my six decades of life with my fellow humans. Hope it helps.

 

[computerdynamics]

Forgivness is not shooting somebody that just dropped your favorite gun! Forgivness is letting it slide after your buddy totaled your fully loaded, '64 1/2 Mustang, 260 V-8 (serial # 1536) that was in mint condition and very rare. because he was fully loaded.......
You've got me in tears! Good night,
Tony

 

[North country gal]

Forgivness is not shooting somebody that just dropped your favorite gun! Forgivness is letting it slide after your buddy totaled your fully loaded, '64 1/2 Mustang, 260 V-8 (serial # 1536) that was in mint condition and very rare. because he was fully loaded.......
You've got me in tears! Good night,
Tony

Yup, that is definitely forgiveness.

 

[Sightngrl]

The way I look at it is this: when someone does you wrong and you hold a grudge as a result, the grudge can fester into a slow acting poison. Unfortunately, it is you that is being poisoned, not the person that did you wrong. Forgiveness releases that poison so you can live a healthy and happy life. Make no mistake, a grudge and/or any kind of hatred can do you not only great emotional harm, but actual physical harm as well. Stress can damage to your immune system. This is not some new age baloney I read somewhere, by the way. It's something I've learned through painful personal experience in my six decades of life with my fellow humans. Hope it helps.

The thing is, I do not hold grudges, I just let the injustice go unavenged or festering. I don't hate either. So I wonder if infact in my own way, I have forgiven the person? I don't feel torn up. But I also don't have anything more to do with the person if the misdeed is really nasty. I realize that I don't want to be hurt again & I don't trust them. Sometimes I miss the person that I thought they were or the good times we had.

 

[North country gal]

The thing is, I do not hold grudges, I just let the injustice go unavenged or festering. I don't hate either. So I wonder if infact in my own way, I have forgiven the person? I don't feel torn up. But I also don't have anything more to do with the person if the misdeed is really nasty. I realize that I don't want to be hurt again & I don't trust them. Sometimes I miss the person that I thought they were or the good times we had.

That's just common sense, if you ask me. It's been my way of dealing with things, too. No need to hate someone or let them get under your skin, but no need to subject yourself to more hurt, either. I just move on without them in my life, though, of course, that's not always an option.

 

[kingpins9]

Forgiveness is acting as if an offense never happened. Forgiveness doesn't mean being a door mat, taking something over and over again.

As far as crime goes, there has to be punishment. If not, it would be a free-for-all in the world. lmao

 

[kingpins9]

The thing is, I do not hold grudges, I just let the injustice go unavenged or festering. I don't hate either. So I wonder if infact in my own way, I have forgiven the person? I don't feel torn up. But I also don't have anything more to do with the person if the misdeed is really nasty. I realize that I don't want to be hurt again & I don't trust them. Sometimes I miss the person that I thought they were or the good times we had.

When dealing with past relationships, as time goes by we tend to remember the good more than the bad and have a rosier recollection than reality. If you think hard enough, it's not as good as you think it was in distant memories.

 

[Sightngrl]

Forgiveness is acting as if an offense never happened. Forgiveness doesn't mean being a door mat, taking something over and over again.

As far as crime goes, there has to be punishment. If not, it would be a free-for-all in the world. lmao

I guess I've forgiven then & didn't know it.
If ya can't do the time, don't do the crime!!!!!

 

[Argo]

i don't think i actively forgive on the biggies. there are a couple folks who i don't dwell on but don't forget either and if the opportunity came to exact revenge and reset the scales of justice, i'd probably act on it. i try not to sweat the small stuff, and i try not to let the big stuff change my daily life, i just file it away and don't forget. forgiving and forgetting are obviously two very different things. i guess in the end i forgive some things, not others, and forget none but just try to go on with equanimity until or if there's anything i can do about it (if there isn't what's the point?)

 

[BearcatShack]

Forgiveness is ultimately about setting yourself free. It's the best last word.

 

[jlh820]

To me, forgiveness is cancelling a debt that is perceived to be owed. Even if that debt is just an apology. I forgive people for my benefit, not theirs. This helps me not to worry about it anymore. And if the person has a conscience, it drives them nuts!

 

[jlh820]

The way I look at it is this: when someone does you wrong and you hold a grudge as a result, the grudge can fester into a slow acting poison. Unfortunately, it is you that is being poisoned, not the person that did you wrong. Forgiveness releases that poison so you can live a healthy and happy life. Make no mistake, a grudge and/or any kind of hatred can do you not only great emotional harm, but actual physical harm as well. Stress can damage to your immune system. This is not some new age baloney I read somewhere, by the way. It's something I've learned through painful personal experience in my six decades of life with my fellow humans. Hope it helps.

Truth!

I posted my answer before reading others so as not to be influenced by what they said. You stated my sentiments exactly!

 

[TomP5]

True forgiveness is hard. Period. It has to come from the heart. It is where you have let the offense go so that it no longer bothers you. If you can do this, YOU have freedom. Holding a grudge and not forgiving eats a hole in your middle.

BUT, this is not the same as reconciliation. Reconciliation comes from the offender manning up to his offense and apologizing and even making it right. So, if a kid smacks a ball through a window, he goes over and apologizes... and... pays for the new window. (Small example, but that's the idea.)

Apart from that, reconciliation can't happen, but forgiveness can.

But forgiveness without a true apology is HARD. Not impossible. But HARD.

Honestly, I am persuaded that true forgiveness takes special empowering. Without that, it is almost impossible.

 

[jlh820]

True forgiveness is hard. Period. It has to come from the heart. It is where you have let the offense go so that it no longer bothers you. If you can do this, YOU have freedom. Holding a grudge and not forgiving eats a hole in your middle.

BUT, this is not the same as reconciliation. Reconciliation comes from the offender manning up to his offense and apologizing and even making it right. So, if a kid smacks a ball through a window, he goes over and apologizes... and... pays for the new window. (Small example, but that's the idea.)

Apart from that, reconciliation can't happen, but forgiveness can.

But forgiveness without a true apology is HARD. Not impossible. But HARD.

Honestly, I am persuaded that true forgiveness takes special empowering. Without that, it is almost impossible.

+1

 

[Marine Division Two]

Screw me once shame on you,but screw me twice,shame on me,Thats my forgiveness so dont do it the first time.

 

[dangrd]

Forgiveness does not need to be public, nor do you need to verbalize to someone that you forgive them. Forgiveness is the act of no longer dwelling on an act that someone has committed against you.

 

[RockDoctor]

Sight girl, here's a link to an interview with TD Jakes, a Dallas pastor and author of Let it Go a book about forgiveness. Here is also a quote from that interview:

MARTIN: How would you recommend someone start? What's the first step that someone should take?

JAKES: I think the first step is to understand that forgiveness does not exonerate the perpetrator. Forgiveness liberates the victim. It's a gift you give yourself. It has less to do with what somebody else did as much as it does with your decision to move on with your life and not be continually victimized by rehearsing that issue or incident over and over again. And once you begin to understand that forgiveness is not a white flag of defeat and you begin to understand that it is something to aspire to, I think that's the first step. And then to understand that most of us are aggrieved because our emotions have not moved forward. And the thing that disturbs me about that is the notion that you allow your emotions to drive the car and your intellect becomes the passenger. When you make a decision to forgive it's a decision that you have to make intellectually. It's not an emotional decision, and you make your emotions have to ride in the direction of your intellect rather than the other way around.

Jakes encourages us to Forgive, to Let it Go, not forget.