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755 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
You might be a ******* if...

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

2. You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.

3. Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center.

4. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

5. You burn your yard rather than mow it.

6. You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.

7. The Salvation Army declines your mattress.

8. Your entire family sat around waiting for the governor to spare a loved one... and you don't have a phone.

9. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.

10. You come back from the dump with more than you took.

11. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

12. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

13. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

14. You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.

15. You've bathed with flea and tick soap.

16. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

17. Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell.

18. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

19. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

20. You have a rag for a gas cap.

21. Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.

22. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

23. You can spit without opening your mouth.

24. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

25. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

26. You sit on your roof at Christmas time hoping to fill your deer quota.

27. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.

28. The biggest "city" you've been to is Wal-Mart.

29. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

30. You thought the Unabomber was wrestler.

31. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

32. Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home.

33. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.

34. You've used a toilet brush as a back scratcher.

35. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.

36. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65mph.

37. Somebody tells you that you've got something in your teeth and you take them out to see what it is.

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